Loved ones can feel helpless watching those they care about become unwell. It’s important to tell them how they can help, most people want to help but often don’t know how.
Some suggestions for family and friends:
1. Bring over a prepared meal – Bringing over a plate of food that the person can just sit down and eat can be extremely helpful, and can allow them some much needed rest.
2. Keep visits short – Visits are nice, but can be exhausting when your sick, keep any visit to someone unwell to no more than an hour, unless they say otherwise.
3. Make the coffee – Visiting someone usually means they have to play host, bringing over the snacks and making the coffee can relieve them of this duty.
4. Have no expectations – Getting to functions can be a real challenge for the chronically ill; always make the person feel its ok to miss events and its ok to leave early.
5. Any help is a big help – Whatever a person is able to do, no matter how big or small is a help, bringing over milk and bread to delay having to shop, or washing the dishes at the end of a visit may seem small to you but it’s big to them.
6. Be there – Chronic illness is isolating, if they need someone to talk to its important they feel that someone is out there available and willing when they need it.
7. Take an interest – Taking the time to understand a little of what’s wrong with them can go a long way, it not only shows you care but will help you better understand what’s happening to the person.
8. Ask how the person is, and mean it – Unfortunately the answer is not always going to be positive, be prepared that the answer might be negative, showing that you wish you didn’t ask in any way will make the person feel isolated.
9. Don’t treat them differently – Sometimes having someone be extremely sympathetic all the time can be a bad thing. Even the sick need to feel normal and accepted, don’t treat them as if they will break easily and need protecting, mostly they need friends.
10. Don’t judge or assume – Its easy to compare someone else’s experience with your own, suggestions of what makes you feel better when your tired will only aggravate the person, it isn’t helpful. You cannot know what someone else’s experience is, do not assume they should be able to do more.
11. Take them to appointments – If you are able to, driving someone to a doctor’s appointment can save them having to drive themselves. Appointments are often exhausting; it can reduce the drain to not have to drive.
12. Help them socialise – If it’s difficult for the person to get out socially, taking them out occasionally is nice, even if it’s just a short outing its nice to leave the house.
13. Don’t push the help – As important as help is a sense of independence is also very important. Make the offer’s of help, but do not push the point, sometimes feeling independent is more important to the person than feeling well; they have the right to refuse and it is not unreasonable for them to do so.
14. Take restrictions seriously – If the person says they cannot do something, or they cannot eat something they mean it. Be supportive and cater to these restrictions as much as possible.
